Hell, spring really has come in its full glory and power. I walk as cocaine junkie, so high on this sun, warmth and everything. I completely forgot about my newly born commitment to blog more ofter (life every day). But it is completely forgivable. How can one live in this miserable weather most of the year and stay online when sun goes out?
But commitment means consistency and it means being good professional and stuff. So I am back here. I really need to understand what's going on with my online presence as a freelancer. Everything is messed. And I just want to walk outside, cuddle with the bebe, learn new stuff and do my own stuff. But I need to choose some wise strategy to not get lost.
Hey, there, internet. I still do portrait photography. And I still do calligraphy and lettering. For real.
It rains outside. And it is cold and miserable. Spring got lost somewhere on her way to Moscow.
I'm drinking coffee and listening to Leonard Cohen. The song "Going Home" just hit me. I even closed my eyes and dissolved in his velvet voice.
I wonder why is that so hard to accept the weather we have everyday? Why is there an urge to to curse now and to dream of brighter future? It's too cold, too hot, too rainy, too snowy, too dark, too light. There is always something not right.
Is that our human instinct of some sort? The one that doesn't allow us to stay still and do nothing? The reason why we are not satisfied and moving one, exploring those far horizons of mind, body and soul.
Going home Without my sorrow Going home Sometime tomorrow Going home To where it’s better Than before
Listened to two independent courses at Creative Live last couple of days and both teachers were amazing ladies from Portland. Coincidence? Don't think so.
My mind is collapsing and bubbling with new and new/old information. Must crash and sleep over it.
I am kinda proud of my own productivity for the last week or so. Still being very careful while planning with a baby. But it appears that this time Lucas gives me is totally enough for me to do my stuff. He is one good sleeping human being and I am one grateful mom.
Will attach links to the courses tomorrow, when I'll be at the computer. Now zzzzz time.
This one with Dina Rodriguez and this one with Kate Bingaman-Burt. Both on creativity, drawing, lettering, art, bizniz and inspiration.
I knew that I won't be that kind of mum who sits solemnly at home, cleans the place and cooks. Maybe I would wanted to, but that is not my nature. I'd say fortunately.
It's 10am, Sunday, I ride city bus express to meet my mom and to go to City Botanical Garden (Apothecary Garden is its name). There will be a flower exhibition and my mom was interested in going. So I said why not? It's time to introduce baby Lucas to the world of nature and gardening. Joking, he most probably wouldn't find it that exciting. But I do, so I see no reason to stay at home. Besides my lil sis will also come, she just been to CERN with some work/science mumbojumbo thing and I am curious and hungry for her stories.
You as well might ask - why not to ask dad to entertain the baby while mum enjoy the day it? Well, we do it from time to time, but today Ariel does capoeira event all day. Also the tricky thing is that when I go out without my little companero I just have 4-5 hours, because breastfeeding. I have to pump in advance and sometimes the quantity of precious liquid is not that easy to predict.
So despite weird weather we decided we can do it. I finish this post on my way home. I think I'm a pro at public transportation now. We decided that it is too early to get baby down under the ground to the city metro bowels. So I hop from bus to tram to trolley.
And when I say weird weather I mean extreme changes from heavy snow to rain to wind to blazing sun. April, you are drunk.
So I encourage mums to be brave, build and creative. For those about to rock I salute you! Fire!
Patience and persistence, concentration and communication are those virtues that I try to work on lately. And that is hard, dammit. These four were so wisely picked by one and only Bobby Chiu in this short video. One definitely needs to subscribe to his channel. This man is an endless source of inspiration and thoughts. Usually I listen to his interviews when I do some monotonous work which I can do without too much of brain concentration. My personal lifehack is that these videos help me to not get distracted and click facebook or some ridiculous links. I just make notes from time to time - book recommendations, tips or some interesting idea that I want to investigate later.
Today I did the first portrait photo session after Lucas was born. I already skimmed through pictures and deleted technically bad pictures. I aim to do postproduction quicker and not procrastinate with it. I would love to work on my timing, I hate it when I try to postpone things. It is pretty normal, I guess. But I want to work on that.
On Sunday I plan to go to flower exhibition with Lucas and my mom. I just had an idea that I can actually sketch there. And also make some photos. Let's see.
We walked in the woods with a friend, and I couldn't stop marveling at the beauty of nature. We are lucky to still have a bit of woods inside of the city. With so many construction sites all around the green patches on the map are shrinking. But we need the air, we need the freedom of thought walking in the woods gives us.
I am very grateful that I have a park nearby my home, but forest is so much better, so full of life.
My another friend told me today, that she is so full of thoughts and ideas, but they are mostly too vague even for her to understand. She said she need more talking and describing those thoughts to somebody and to herself. And I think that walking in the woods helps to find right words.
Why am I saying all that? I realised that my head is also too full of stuff, but when I want to nail it, it evaporates or hides in the corners of my mind. And I want this blog to become a place where I explore my soul and brain. And to remind me to go to the woods more often.
Soon the American Gods series will be released. I decided to reread the book in English. The first time I read it was quite some time ago. It was in Russian, I was much younger, and also I didn't set my own foot on American soil yet.
And I must say that reading it now, when I am more awakened to the big questions of humanity, when I kinda understand a bit more about me and how humans may be, and when the question of beliefs and immigrants is huge as never before. And when I visited the US twice to get the vibe of the place.
We live in a complicated, but beautiful time. We are as divided as we are connected. So many possibilities to evolve, to ask questions, to get answers. It is sad that these chances are too often missed.
I am happy that Neil Gaiman wrote American Gods, and I am happy his body of work becomes familiar to wider auditorium of people around the world. I hope the series will be as good as it promises to be (I am sure it will be).
And his style of writing, ah, untranslatable actually. It feels like my mind goes delicatessen when I read each page.
And the cast... Please, are you serious? How come it is actually THAT awesome?
Ok, showing up is fucking hard. Somehow I feel this effort of opening the new post and my mind goes blank. I am intimidated. But I will not give up, I will try to keep showing up and be daily here with some simple scribbles which might be boring sometimes.
Just listened to Seth Godin interview at Creative live. Why am I not surprised that the only clear advice Mr. Godin gives to adults is to start daily blog? The habit of active public journaling, he says, changes the way you see the world, the way you think and observe. Now that is true, I know, as I always see things I'd love to share but I never do. I start thinking - where should I share this? Blog? Instagram (ah, then I need a picture for that)? Ello? Facebook? Twitter? And then also that - English or Russian? This goes in the loop and I never share my thoughts.
This blog I have here is huge WIP of mine, which also maybe scares me. As maybe I expect this to be some perfect working mechanism which may unite all my doings. But it doesn't. Maybe I should stop planning and just write?
So you sit and pump the milk and you have to stay calm and happy and hydrated to pump your maximum. Or so they say. What to do? Let's try some random blogging. Again I ask myself what language should I write, what app to use, to trim the text or not. Usually I do nothing after those questions. Or I make up huge plans and after a big announcement I disappear again back to the loop of asking questions.
That is pretty frustrating, but you have to be happy while pumping. So no questions, just writing. In a way that is comfortable for me.
Если писать хронику того, что происходит, то легче будет в ретроспективе видеть, что делал и что к чему привело. Рассмотреть связи и проанализировать себя. Сейчас слишком много социальных сетей, слишком много пускания пыли в глаза, слишком много сиюминутности, когда ты как белка в колесе пытаешься успеть хоть что-то и в результате упускаешь общую картину.
Мой любимый Нил Гейман написал у себя в блоге очередной невозможно прекрасный пост. Хотя казалось бы - просто перечислил то, что с ним происходило в последнее время. И в личной жизни, и в рабочей.
Начался ноябрь, скоро будет ровно два года с тех пор, как я впервые поехала в Штаты. С ума сойти можно, прошло два года (2, карл!), а я до сих пор не разобрала все фотографии и ощущения с той поездке. Все как будто застряло внутри и отказывалось показываться на свет.
(Внутренние дворики кампуса Гарварда, 2014)
Начался ноябрь, месяц писателей, в то время как октябрь - месяц художников. Об этом говорят хэштеги #inktober и #nanowrimo. На деле же те, кто делал что-то, продолжает это делать, а те, кто не делал, так и не делает. Все эти “начну жизнь заново в понедельник” не работают, как бы мы того ни хотели. Не бывает секретных быстрых путей и волшебных пилюль. Бывает только нудная бесконечная ежедневная работа над собой в том или ином направлении.
У меня же продолжаются дни зачистки. Я перетряхиваю стопки бумажек и черновиков, разбираю коробки с инструментами. И, о боже, я решила импортировать с телефона в архив 24 000 фотографий, которые скопились на нем за год. Ха-ха, 24 000, как я умудрилась? Ну ладно, там есть много скриншотов, кое-что мне присылали или я сама скачивала, но все равно это довольно эпично. Хвала айфону на 128 гигов. Конечно, я не смогла так просто забекапить телефон, потому что… у меня не хватило места на компьютере. И вот с упорством маньяка я разгребаю авгиевы конюшни своего ноутбука, который забит под завязку кучей полезного и затерянного. Еще бы гигов 30 освободить… и будет мне хорошо:)
Еще я сперла у Остина Клеона идею (которую он сам спер) сделать вот такую страничку - что я делаю сейчас? Это не страничка "обо мне", это нечто менее официально сформулированное, но дающее пониманию. что вообще происходит в жизни на момент сейчас.