english blog

Hell, spring really has come in its full glory and power. I walk as cocaine junkie, so high on this sun, warmth and everything. I completely forgot about my newly born commitment to blog more ofter (life every day). But it is completely forgivable. How can one live in this miserable weather most of the year and stay online when sun goes out?

But commitment means consistency and it means being good professional and stuff. So I am back here. I really need to understand what's going on with my online presence as a freelancer. Everything is messed. And I just want to walk outside, cuddle with the bebe, learn new stuff and do my own stuff. But I need to choose some wise strategy to not get lost.

Hey, there, internet. I still do portrait photography. And I still do calligraphy and lettering. For real.


It rains outside. And it is cold and miserable. Spring got lost somewhere on her way to Moscow.

I'm drinking coffee and listening to Leonard Cohen. The song "Going Home" just hit me. I even closed my eyes and dissolved in his velvet voice.

I wonder why is that so hard to accept the weather we have everyday? Why is there an urge to to curse now and to dream of brighter future? It's too cold, too hot, too rainy, too snowy, too dark, too light. There is always something not right.

Is that our human instinct of some sort? The one that doesn't allow us to stay still and do nothing? The reason why we are not satisfied and moving one, exploring those far horizons of mind, body and soul.

Going home
Without my sorrow
Going home
Sometime tomorrow
Going home
To where it’s better
Than before

Listened to two independent courses at Creative Live last couple of days and both teachers were amazing ladies from Portland. Coincidence? Don't think so.

My mind is collapsing and bubbling with new and new/old information. Must crash and sleep over it.

I am kinda proud of my own productivity for the last week or so. Still being very careful while planning with a baby. But it appears that this time Lucas gives me is totally enough for me to do my stuff. He is one good sleeping human being and I am one grateful mom.

Will attach links to the courses tomorrow, when I'll be at the computer. Now zzzzz time.

This one with Dina Rodriguez and this one with Kate Bingaman-Burt. Both on creativity, drawing, lettering, art, bizniz and inspiration.

UPD: Links attached.

Patience and persistence, concentration and communication are those virtues that I try to work on lately. And that is hard, dammit. These four were so wisely picked by one and only Bobby Chiu in this short video. One definitely needs to subscribe to his channel. This man is an endless source of inspiration and thoughts. Usually I listen to his interviews when I do some monotonous work which I can do without too much of brain concentration. My personal lifehack is that these videos help me to not get distracted and click facebook or some ridiculous links. I just make notes from time to time - book recommendations, tips or some interesting idea that I want to investigate later.

Today I did the first portrait photo session after Lucas was born. I already skimmed through pictures and deleted technically bad pictures. I aim to do postproduction quicker and not procrastinate with it. I would love to work on my timing, I hate it when I try to postpone things. It is pretty normal, I guess. But I want to work on that.

On Sunday I plan to go to flower exhibition with Lucas and my mom. I just had an idea that I can actually sketch there. And also make some photos. Let's see.



This first spring with  еру bebe already feels very special to me. Each day is full of well... life. Today I've walked a lot. And I talked a lot. And listened too.


(credits: Alexandra Burdakova)

We walked in the woods with a friend, and I couldn't stop marveling at the beauty of nature. We are lucky to still have a bit of woods inside of the city. With so many construction sites all around the green patches on the map are shrinking. But we need the air, we need the freedom of thought walking in the woods gives us.

I am very grateful that I have a park nearby my home, but forest is so much better, so full of life.

My another friend told me today, that she is so full of thoughts and ideas, but they are mostly too vague even for her to understand. She said she need more talking and describing those thoughts to somebody and to herself. And I think that walking in the woods helps to find right words.

Why am I saying all that? I realised that my head is also too full of stuff, but when I want to nail it, it evaporates or hides in the corners of my mind. And I want this blog to become a place where I explore my soul and brain. And to remind me to go to the woods more often.


Soon the American Gods series will be released. I decided to reread the book in English. The first time I read it was quite some time ago. It was in Russian, I was much younger, and also I didn't set my own foot on American soil yet.

And I must say that reading it now, when I am more awakened to the big questions of humanity, when I kinda understand a bit more about me and how humans may be, and when the question of beliefs and immigrants is huge as never before. And when I visited the US twice to get the vibe of the place.

We live in a complicated, but beautiful time. We are as divided as we are connected. So many possibilities to evolve, to ask questions, to get answers. It is sad that these chances are too often missed.

I am happy that Neil Gaiman wrote American Gods, and I am happy his body of work becomes familiar to wider auditorium of people around the world. I hope the series will be as good as it promises to be (I am sure it will be).

And his style of writing, ah, untranslatable actually. It feels like my mind goes delicatessen when I read each page.

And the cast... Please, are you serious? How come it is actually THAT awesome?



Ok, showing up is fucking hard. Somehow I feel this effort of opening the new post and my mind goes blank. I am intimidated. But I will not give up, I will try to keep showing up and be daily here with some simple scribbles which might be boring sometimes.

Just listened to Seth Godin interview at Creative live. Why am I not surprised that the only clear advice Mr. Godin gives to adults is to start daily blog? The habit of active public journaling, he says, changes the way you see the world, the way you think and observe. Now that is true, I know, as I always see things I'd love to share but I never do. I start thinking - where should I share this? Blog? Instagram (ah, then I need a picture for that)? Ello? Facebook? Twitter? And then also that - English or Russian? This goes in the loop and I never share my thoughts.

This blog I have here is huge WIP of mine, which also maybe scares me. As maybe I expect this to be some perfect working mechanism which may unite all my doings. But it doesn't. Maybe I should stop planning and just write?

Yes, that's what I am going to do.

So you sit and pump the milk and you have to stay calm and happy and hydrated to pump your maximum. Or so they say. What to do? Let's try some random blogging. Again I ask myself what language should I write, what app to use, to trim the text or not. Usually I do nothing after those questions. Or I make up huge plans and after a big announcement I disappear again back to the loop of asking questions.

That is pretty frustrating, but you have to be happy while pumping. So no questions, just writing. In a way that is comfortable for me.

Last Summer I went to the United States and explored North Carolina. It was a journey I will never forget as I was honored to be a photographer at the wedding of wonderful human beings - Ashley and Jeff.

These two are very special to me. I met Ashley on another wedding of our mutual friends in Poland. She was brave and crazy enough to come to Russia and work here as a teacher for a year and learn Russian ways of life. I never doubted that a guy who proposes to this woman would be an incredible one. So is Jeff. I felt immediate connection with him the first beer we shared. What is this with my girl friends who got married to serious minded guys (mostly bearded) interested in Soviet history and art? I got three such girls. And I cherish each of them. Anyways, back to the last June.

The wedding itself was a several days long runaway from civilisation to the slopes of Brown Mountain. It was mid June and it is really hot time in North Carolina. More then once we admired Jeff and Ashley's decision to hold their wedding in the mountains where we had a river to cool us down.

It took me ages to assemble a sequence of photos which I humbly hope  it will the reflect the beauty and emotions of the day.


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This June I spent one day in New York and did a photo shoot with beautiful and talented Erin Hanson, who is a poet from Australia. So Russian made pictures of Australian in the American city. It is very New Yorkish, I think.

I absolutely adore poems by Erin. She sees such subtle things and manages to put them together in this bittersweet and stingingly painful but soul healing way. Read them HERE please.

I chose my favourite poems at that moment for the shooting and did a calligraphy with them. But you should read others. There many gems and jewels in Erin's art.

Via social media I learned Erin was about to arrive to the US at the same time I was there. So I decided to roll the dice and see if something can come of it. So I wrote her and she answered. And it appeared that our schedules gifted us with one and only morning we both could use to make this shooting possible.

Thank you, Erin, for being to inspiring and so top despite that before this shoot you spend kinda 36 hours travelling if I remember it right.

So the idea was to blend Erin and her beautiful poems into the fabric of New York city.

Model and poet - Ering Hanson

Photography and calligraphy - Vera Golosova

erin_001 erin_002

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