Back on blog. Jet lagged after coming back home from the US to Russia, but full of energy to press on with all the shit. Most probably I will go to swim and jog now, but before that I'd like to do some blogging.
I backed up pictures I shot during last 3 weeks. There were some videos as well. It's way easier to share uncut videos. You basically upload them and you are done. So that's what I am about to do.
Below are the videos of performances that touched my heart deeply during my time in the US.
Before parading to Porter Square books we came together at the Harvard Sq. And Jason Webley sang, and Amanda Palmer sang, and we sang and laughed.
Crazy band named Too many zooz I witnessed once on Union sq. They are just fantastic, aren't they?
Amazing Beat Travellers performing during the Lost Marble Salon in the Cloud Club.
(I worked on this blog a bit, so I upload it a bit later then it was written)
It is one month before I visit the United States for the first time ever. Next week I turn 30 (huh!), so I think it is a majestic way to start another decade of my life. Yesterday I’ve read new blog post written my Amanda Palmer. You can read it HERE. The thing that amazes me about her is how she can talk about complicated things. A lot to learn from Amanda.
She wrote about many things in that particular blog. First about blogging and writing a book. Go and read it, my retelling will be not as good as her own words. I thought like wow, how come that I enjoyed blogging so much for many years (those years when livejournal was at its best). I wrote about everything. I didn’t need a purpose. There were always words to write and thoughts to explain.
But then digital world changed in a very special way. Blogging became kinda profession. Serious shit. And livejournal kinda died. I lost my habit to write easily on the blog.
Somehow I got a BLOG WRITER’S BLOCK. Dammit. Weird as it is. It felt like my blogs should be meaningful, to deliver message, to have a theme. As if blogging was not for everybody. Yesterday I read what Amanda wrote and thought - fuck that, blog should satisfy the only person in this world and it is… me. Yes, I promote my art through it. But blog is freedom, it should not BORE me to death to write my own blog. Or SCARE me.
The other two things Amanda wrote about were her tour (book tour and the bed shows) and Anthony’s situation. For me it is inseparable in a weird way. Through Amanda's music I get to know Anthony and his books.
There was this live webcast by Amanda. Anthony read a story there (at 1:04:20 in the previous link). I made this print screen, how I wish to be there with my camera. It was deep night and then dawn wee hours in Moscow. My beloved man slept peacefully in our bedroom. I stood on the balcony in the living room with headphones and iPad and listened to webcast.
I bought e-book of Beloved Demons on the first day of release. I wrote a review on it and blogged it HERE. I wanted more people to read Anthony’s stories. Somehow we started writing to each other from time to time. Sometimes people just happen in each others lives. It is truly amazing. One day you don’t have this person close to your heart and then you do.
Anthony sent me paper copies of his books. I think I am the only person who has got Anthony’s books in Russia. I should make a picture of them on the Red Square I suppose.
(done it - went to the Red Square and make a picture)
Once Anthony told me he’d like me to make portraits of him. I said yes, of course, portraits is my favourite thing to do. I love human beings, through camera I discover people and say them they are awesome. Through camera I see beauty of people, their strength, their fragility.
Also Anthony is such an enigmatic person to make portraits of.
I thought well, yes, I should come when I have money. But one day I will do it. For sure. Later. Blah-blah-blah. Then I learnt that Anthony’s remission is over. He was about to go through chemo again.
I applied for the visa. Got it. Bought tickets to NY on the dates when I don’t have shootings here in Russia.
We decided that we will meet and talk no matter what. As with portraits, we will just see.
Next day after I bought tickets Amanda tweeted that the release date of her book is the 11th of November. A bit later she informed the twitterverse that there will be a few Bed Shows from 5-8th of November.
My tickets to the States I bought the day before were from 2th to 16th of November.
Now I have tickets to the Bed Show and to Boston book tour event. And I plan to come to Porter Square books as well.
But honestly I can’t call this luck or anything. Because initially I got visa and tickets, because Anthony’s conditions changed. It is “weird poetry of life” as Amanda tweeted. Endless ifs, buts and whys and wtfs.
Life is complicated. Everything is connected. Endless dots. Dots. Dots.
Fuck the writer’s block. I needed to bring all this together. I feel too many feelings at the same time. It was always my thing.
Soon I will be in the United States.
P.S: Somewhere in-between I went to Stockholm. Thanks to wonderful Neil Gaiman, I managed to give Anthony a book as a gift (HERE is a big blog with pictures). It was Master and Margarita by Mikhail Boulgakov, which is a brilliant Russian novel. HERE Anthony talks of Pilate and Jesus trial after chemo treatment and reading M&M.
(tl;dr - I went to Stockholm and met author Neil Gaiman there)
For now I have only an English version, it is long and full of details. And to answer your question - yes, I did fly from Russia to Sweden to see Neil Gaiman. Why? Because why not?
29 may 2014
I feel a bit philosophical right now as I fly back home from Stockholm where I spent several quite intense days. Yesterday I met Neil Gaiman who is one of my favourite authors and one of the most beautiful human souls I ever knew.
Как мне тут верно заметили в комментариях, я все сообщаюсь и сообщаюсь о том, что я собираюсь сделать, но мало пишу о процессе или о результатах. О процессе писать категорически некогда, хотя я очень хочу. А вот о результатах попробую. На улице стоит одуряющая жара, и я все равно ни на что более продуктивное не годна сегодня. Поэтому буду писать слова. Главное, не забывать сохраняться:)
Вы пробовали дистанционное образование? Я вот весной наконец-то решилась попробовать, что это такое и с чем его едят. Как всегда, моей ошибкой было то, что я как-то на все сразу накинулась, в результате до конца довела всего один курс, но обо всем по порядку.
Во-первых, мне понравилось, знаний действительно дают много, выбирать можно на любой вкус и под любые цели.
Во-вторых, главное трезво оценивать объем времени, который реально будет выделить на обучение.
В-третьих, да никаких третьих, учиться можно и нужно, бесплатных вариантов много, платных - еще больше.
Нужно только учить языки. Моего уровня английского вполне хватило, чтобы слушать лекции, читать дополнительные материалы и делать задания.
Пришедшее мне недавно письмо говорит о том, что с курсом я справилась на 70%. Честно признаюсь, что сдулась под конец и заленилась делать последнее задание. По этому курсу за небольшую денежку можно было получить официальный сертификат. Возможно, если бы я его оплатила, то это подстегнуло бы меня не поджимать хвост на финальном аккорде.
Но вообще курс был очень классный. Он состоял из видео-лекций, заданий, дополнительного чтения, общения с сокурсниками и пары тестов в середине и в конце. У меня нет художественного образования, есть какие-то разрозненные знания. Было интересно и приятно следовать за мыслью преподавателя.
Кроме знаний по искусству, преподавательница очень много времени уделяла критике - что такое критика, с чем ее едят, как ее выдавать, как ее воспринимать. Очень здорово, освежает и углубляет видение своей собственной работы и работы других людей.
Кроме того, недавно мне прислали письмо энтузиасты coursera, которые назвали себя Global Translator Community и активно работают над созданием субтитров, чтобы люди со слабым знанием или без знания языка могли также участвовать в обучении. Вот их страничка https://www.coursera.org/about/translate.
В общем coursera я рекомендую всем, там представлены курсы в совершенно разных областях. По техническим наукам даже есть что-то на русском. Меня интересует больше искусство, поэтому я пока встала в очередь на курс по американской поэзии и на курс по комиксам и графическим романам.
Курс по мультимедиа журналистике под руководством куратора DJ Clark.
Об этом курсе я узнала на фейсбуке от своей подруги Лиды.
Вообще интересно, что и это курс, и предыдущий очень много времени уделяли тому, как рассказывать историю, так называемый storytelling. При этом типа медиа совершенно не имел значения. Историю может рассказывать и картина, и книга, и фотография, и видео, и последовательность изображений, и одно изображение, и что-то объемное, и что-то плоское.
В рамках этого курса я училась формулировать историю, рассказывать ее, расставлять акценты, собирать фотографии в серии, составлять вопросы для интервью, проводить интервью. Это единственный курс, который я довела до конца, доделала проект, который разместили на страничке академии, дала интервью о том, с какими сложностями я столкнулась в процессе. Чувствую себя ужасно гордой по этому поводу.
Форма обучение была похожей на coursera - интервью, статьи, задания, общение. Здесь мне очень понравилось, что нас было не очень много. Куратор устраивал google hangouts, и мы обсуждали свои проекты. В такие моменты ты чувствуешь, что будущее - это сейчас. Это так здорово. Да, иногда нам мешали сбои связи и качество видео изображения оставляло желать лучшего, но это совершенно неважно.
Покажу тут свой проект и интервью. Это было кстати мое первое интервью, и я ужасно волновалась.
Что еще я попробовала?
Вот тут был бесплатный курс для писателей по построению своего присутствия в интернетах. Слава богу материалы просто приходили на почту, потому что я поняла, что этот курс я совсем не успеваю и просто стала откладывать письма от куратора в отдельную папочку, чтобы прочитать попозже. До осени я не планирую ввязываться в новые онлайн-курсы, так что как раз успею за лето.
Еще пару курсов я прошла на kelby. Посматривала на lynda, но так и не начала там пока ничего.
И еще наконец-то я начала учиться рисовать. Поначалу начала сама, но тут поняла, что лучше таки с преподавателем - сообщить ему свои цели и под его руководством двигаться вперед. Как-то так само собой получилось, что преподавателем стала моя подруга. Занимаюсь я тоже очень удобно - чаще всего по скайпу, иногда вживую. Скайп экономит время, не нужно куда-то ехать час-полтора. Камера, интернет и вуаля.
Пока что у меня сугубо практические цели - мне нужно научиться делать наброски для планируемых фотосессий и раскадровки для видео. Поэтому мы изучаем анатомию человека, технику наброска, массы, пятна, контрасты, композицию и перспективу. А там уж посмотрим, куда меня это заведет.
I was miserable and heartbroken while I was in London. Sometimes people just don't have enough balls to tell you the truth. Ugh. So I roamed the streets zombielike and shot with my camera a lot. Now I feel stable enough to dig those archive and cleanse it from pictures of people I don't need in my life, no, thank you very much. Instead I'd like to collect good memories and pictures from those days. It seems I made quite a lot of interesting pictures. London is shameless model. And I was a shameless photographer as well. When you are shallowe and suffering as hell you don't actually care if street-folk sees you making pictures of them. Most of Londoners didn't give a fuck themselves anyway. It was fruitful combination.
It is the second assignment for Cal Arts course at coursera. The whole course is called Live!: A History of Art for Artists, Animators and Gamers. Each week we have materials to study and assignments to do.
The first assignment was also very interesting, I think of posting it here as well.
The second assignment is Mental Map
"In your sketchbook, assemble ten (10) images, books, films, or even music/songs that provide a history and context for your current work or interests in art, animation and/or gaming, whether as a practitioner, viewer or player/participant. Choose works that are important to the way you think, and just as importantly, works that inspire you in ways that you can’t always perhaps put into words. Reach back into your childhood (where you may perhaps find some unexpected sources of inspiration) and look around you to collect some contemporary resources"
I felt that my blog will be the most convenient way to expose my assignment as it appeared to be quite big. Also it is comfortable for me to take care of source links and to organise the layout.
I had a VHS with the movie. I remember watching it for the first time. It was mind twisting. Then I re-watched it for more than 20-30 times, I guess.
Each time I discovered something new, some idea, some thought. As I was growing up different pieces of this epic work touched my heart like a hot iron. First of all, like all rebellious teens I muse enjoyed “We don’t need no education”, then the love theme caught my attention, then the society and individual controversy, then the role and influence of mother.
Doing this assignment I came to conclusion that I need to watch it once again after maybe 7 years break.
Low bow to they book, to Professor and to my mother for my love to reading. My mom read pieces of “The Lord of the Rings” to me and my little sister before sleeping time. But she read in little pieces - she was tired after work and we needed to sleep too. I was too curious to wait, I wanted to know what will happen next, so I grabbed the book and tried reading in on my own. It was a huge impact. That’s how I fell in love with fantasy and and imagined worlds. And with books in general. Books are like diamonds for me. Now I have a very wide range of interests in literature, but that book will always be a fire-starter.
I will start with a little pre-info. C. Anthony Martignetti, PhD, is a writer and psychotherapist with a private practice in Lexington, Massachusetts. Anthony is not well-known author, but he definitely is known by some people. I would love more people to discover his books. Especially that now there is a chance to purchase an e-book which solves problem for most non-American readers.
(that is a print screen I made while watching live stream of Amanda Palmer's salon)
“The world isn’t created of atoms and molecules, but of stories. Maybe I wanted to create a world. A new one… where I, and we, could be happy and safe.
Making stories from memories… I think it has something to do with looking back and fabricating meaning in events that, at the time, just happened”
To be honest I suck at using clever words and making an analyse of a literature. But that book was a profound read for me. Both like an intimate whisper and solid punch in a face. It takes you into a poignant and dark journey deep through the lanes and alleys of a human soul. A soul brave enough to let guests in without cleaning up and hiding certain things.
(it is a video from the release event of the "Beloved demons", here Neil Gaiman reads an introduction he wrote for the book and Anthony reads the story "Sign")
Did I say that “Beloved demons” is a memoir? It is a collection of stories which happened to Anthony during his adult years. It is a collection of feelings that fought with each other deep inside of his soul. It is a collection of mind twists and hungry thinking. It is a collection of people Anthony met on his way. It is a collection of things that people usually prefer to hide and pretend they are normal in a way that is acceptable by a society in general.
Thing is that each one of us (no exceptions really) is more complex and twisted from inside than rules of morality let to identify and legalise. We can’t shrink into humanity-approved size without pain. We need to be really gentle to each other. And try to get rid of assumptions and fixed schemes. Otherwise we will continue to breed demons inside of us and inside of our beloved ones.
“She had become human in the worst possible meaning of it. She shrank into life. It was the greatest example I’d ever had that the death is real. She, the mad one… she, who was always and only young… fell under the deflated world… the weight of years… money, marriage, children and cocks gone old and cold”
(from one of my favourite stories “Mad”)
Anthony spills out his feelings, his fears, his thoughts, his regrets, first it’s suffocating. Then you start to give names to your own demons. And reading becomes painful, but very honest and cleansing. The crucial point for me was that Anthony doesn’t accuse anybody. He accepts. And shares.
I would say that we all should read such memoirs. Maybe we should privately write our own. We need to spend time thinking what excites us, what makes us go on with our lives. What made us who we are, how should we deal with who we are. We need to be curious and searching. Unquiet. Always. Otherwise our life will become “a cheerless case of utter domesticity”. It is not that I am against building families. I am against creating a family and then ceasing to live.
“And then I began to learn too much, have too much in my pile; that’s when I found one of the great rugs under which I could sweep all of it.
The magic carpet of fantasy.
And a new life began, a secret one. And it’s been grinding in my chest and groin ever since.
A 100 percent pure life. The very best. I know, I write it myself.”
(from a very observing story “Swept”)
From birth to childhood, from childhood to teenage, from teenage to adult age we deal with everything inside us and around us. Anthony’s book spoke to me about the issue I see too much here and there lately. It is an issue of child abuse and humiliation. I never thought how deeply our childhood influences our adult life. Sometimes it is unbearable to think about. Those connections and consequences are so much bigger than us. And we go on living nevertheless.
I would say that “Beloved demons: confessions of an unquiet mind” is a song glorifying life and humanity. But it is a song from a B-side. Not everybody is patient with life and continues to listen so far, because they got stuck on the juicy bestselling tracks of an A-side.
In the very end I would love to share this indie short film after another story "Box" by Anthony Martignetti. I don't know if it was published. But I meditated over it for quite a while.
"Find a local park, a street corner, a playground or an outside place of your choice. Spend 2 or 3 hours shooting activities in the place. Try and experiment with ideas outlined in thebasic practice and composition and light lessons above. Edit your final pictures down to 10 images and post a link to them in the comments of the assignment post".
When we had this task to go local and made some pictures on the spot I thought of two things: wish it gets warmer and maybe I should try to make pictures of ice-hockey players who play in the courtyard every day?
I never imagined I will be that lucky. It truly got warmer and there was this snow blizzard. I decided I can't miss a chance.
Guess this work is done after the 3rd module "Photography editing". I might say that choosing pictures and placing them in the right order was the most difficult part. This article helped me to make my mind. I look forward the comments of mentors and participants on what I did.
I am admired by the stubbornness of those players. That's a genuine wish to just play no matter what. "Think process, not progress" philosophy. Also for me this story is like a contrast to Olympic games with all huge stadiums and obsession with gold. It is just a game as it is. Not fancy, just a game.
I've been thinking for quite a long time how to implement English blogging into my whole system. Not the easiest part. I decided to make a separate category here on my blog and mark it separately in the menu. For those who prefer to read in Russian, don't worry I will not neglect this part.
And well... hi to my English speaking friends. You are welcome to read, to leave comments. My first blog was at livejournal platform, I started it when I was a student in University. Back then everybody got a livejournal. There was this period of time when it crashed down every time. It pissed me off so I forgot about blogging for quite a while. Since maybe couple of years I have blogged here on standalone site with translation wherever and whenever I fancied it.
I need a blog in English to participate in online studies, contests and commisions and to talk to people who don't speak Russian.